Adoption Updates

I am 99% of the time very open, maybe too open, when it comes to most parts of our lives. I don't mind sharing times when our family has struggled, either financially or emotionally. I have never hesitated to admit my own shortcomings as a wife, a Mother or a friend. I have always believed that sharing those things also opened the door for me to share how God's amazing love and faithfulness have gotten me through those difficult situations. However, here we are in perhaps the biggest life challenges that Shaun and I will ever face and I have been tight lipped. 

Shaun will be the first to tell you that when something is really hard for me, or really painful I get very quite. Unless you are Alli. My sister/personal therapist. And when it comes to our adoption the emotions are so great, the pain so real, that it just feels like too much to even speak about. There have been many nights when I have just broken down. I have gotten so overwhelmed with confusion, frustration, questions, grace and consuming love that at times I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. How grateful I am for my Heavenly Father who carries me through this heart wrenching process. For my husband who cries with me and stands up for our family and for our decision to adopt. For my friends who cover Shaun and I in prayer, and who have given their money and time to assist us in our journey. Adoption is not for the faint of heart and as Shaun and I have learned, it is not for the weak in spirit either. 

We have had two different potential adoptions happen over the last four months. Obviously, neither of them worked out but both of them have left Shaun and I a little scared. The first one, I received a call one morning back in June as I drove to our church for vacation Bible school. It was regarding a 10 day old African American boy in Florida. I immediately called Shaun at work and gave him the information that I had been given. With his voice shaking he said a quick prayer for us before hanging up the phone to call the attorney. We were told upfront that the little boy had irregular brain activity and asked if we would still be interested. Shaun never hesitated to answer, "Yes, we are interested". A side not about Florida adoptions...there is no waiting period after papers are singed for the birth mother to change her mind. For six amazing hours I thought (being completely naive) , that sweet boy was ours. Then Shaun called me to tell me that the birth mother had changed her mind. There was this huge part of Shaun and I that was devastated and incredibly hurt. But at the same time there was another part of us that was happy for that birth mother. 

Our second potential adoption happened just last week. My cousin called me after talking to a former coworker who's daughter was currently fostering an 11 month old little girl. She had been born at 25 weeks gestation and even though her first birthday is just a couple of weeks away she currently only weighs 12 pounds! Shaun and I checked out some pictures/videos of her and were drawn into her big black eyes and her sweet smile. Due to her premature birth we knew before we even called that she had a few sever medical problems. She was obviously very small, she has had 18 surgeries in her eleven short months of life and she needs the help of a vent to breath at night. These things of course made Shaun and I nervous, but still we had gone into this saying that we would be open to every situation, so we called the foster parent Friday night and spoke to her for over an hour. She gave us all of the information she could and we told her that we would talk about it an call her tomorrow. Shaun and I talked a lot that night. The next morning as I was getting out of the shower Shaun came to me and told me, "We couldn't give her what she needs, Melissa". In our hearts I think we had realized that about thirty minutes into the conversation with her foster mom the night before. Still Shaun and I believe that little girl was brought into our lives for a reason and we are excited to have the chance to be prayer warriors for her and her foster family. 

Other than being left heart sick over these two potential adoptions, Shaun and I have struggled with adoption related issues with various family members and friends. We understand that a lot of people think adoption (especially domestic) is only something that you do when you cannot have children of your own. And we also understand that adopting a child that is biracial or a different race all together will forever change the look of our family. And that is hard to wrap your head around sometimes. However, while we understand all of the concerns it is still hard to be going through such a HUGE thing and never have close family ask you, "how's it going?" or "where are you at". It is almost like they are scared of the answer. They are scared we are going to say, "Oh, it's going great. We pick up our drug addicted, black baby tomorrow". For some of them, reading these two stories about our potential adoption experiences on our blog will be the first they have ever even heard of them. In many ways it is our own family that has kept me from blogging about our adoption to begin with. I haven't wanted to push people away, or make them uncomfortable. I haven't wanted to "stir the pot" so to speak. In many ways Shaun and I have been extremely hurt by the words and actions of others, but at the same time we have felt so loved and encouraged by some many people. A friend of mine, Elizabeth, sent me the dearest email a couple of moths ago regarding our adoption. And on tough days I will go back and read that email over and over. It came at a time in our adoption process when I had so much doubt and was so scared. I know God laid it on her heart to write me that letter because He knew that I desperately needed the encouragement at that time. 

After reading all of this you probably hope that I go back to NOT talking about our adoption much. Still, I want to share every moment of doubt, encouragement and hope as a wittiness to the amazing things that God is doing in mine in Shaun's live through this process. We are honored to be His servants and pray that through out this process our words, our motives and our actions are pure of heart and glorifying to Him. 

When the time came to completion, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.

Galatians 4:4-5